Vibrators – they can do wonders for a couple’s sex life – heightening pleasurable sensations and intimacy levels in a relationship. But while they seem pretty easy to use on the surface, it’s using a vibrator creatively that can make all the difference to the depth of your shared pleasure.
As Karen Linder, owner of sexual health and wellness company, U & Me Time, explains, “creativity is based on a couples’ willingness to relax and have fun—not the usual routine they follow.” So when it comes to getting creative with vibrators, read on.
Did you think the back massagers sold in the ’90s were meant just for your shoulder muscles? Not exactly!
Before you learn how to use a vibrator as a couple, understand that there is no right or normal way to experience vibrators. Each person experiences sensation differently. So, don’t be shy or embarrassed if you find your vibrator does more than stimulate your clitoris or g-spot. The same goes for those of you who don’t feel what you were hoping for.
Getting and giving the right amount of pleasure through a vibrator can take time. It also helps if you pick one that is right for you and your partner.
Which leads us to the first step of learning how to use a vibrator.
1. Select Your New Vibrator
To understand how to use a vibrator you have to buy one first. But before merely picking up the most appealing one, do some research. There are numerous types of vibrators out there. Whether its Crescendo, Tenuto, a bullet, a magic wand, a vibrating butt plug, a wand vibrator or a pocket rocket, the selection in 2019 is vast.
Vibrators come in all shapes and sizes and are made in a variety of different materials. But whether it’s medical grade silicone or hard plastic, make sure your skin is comfortable with the material and that the material is body safe before choosing it.
You’ll also want to consider the functions of each vibrator.
- Does it have multiple speeds?
- Does it have different vibration patterns?
- Does it give off more of a deep rumbling vibration or a light buzzy one?
Note: many people prefer the deeper rumble vibrations, which come with larger and more powerful vibrators, like Crescendo and the magic wand. Buzzy vibrations come from small vibrators like a bullet or a pocket rocket.Keep in mind that if the motor is placed close to where the vibrator is going to touch the skin, the vibrations will be stronger as they have less distance to travel. And don’t just buy the cheapest battery operated model you find. Not only will these be made with cheap materials but they can also burn out after a few uses.
2. Go For It, Alone
Now that you have your new vibrator, it’s time to get to know it. This is usually best done alone during masturbation to get a better feel of what works best for you before you use the vibrator with your partner.
With so many types of vibrators out there, it’s important to learn its functions. If it’s a smart device like Crescendo and Tenuto, download the app and test out the vibration patterns. Some smart vibrators even let you connect to music and vibe to the beat. With a smart toy, your phone is a remote control that can tease you and lead to spine-tingling pleasure.Whatever the case, become familiar with its capabilities before you really get stuck in – otherwise you’ll not be reaping the true benefits of your new toy.
3. Get In the Mood
It’s important to be in the mood before indulging in sex – with or without vibrators.Desire is reactive to the right stimuli, which means you need to stoke the fire before you can get aroused. Don’t rely on the vibrator to arouse you or your partner. It can end up feeling like a foreign object trying to probe you.
Instead focus on getting aroused by first focusing on increasing the intimate connection with your partner, reading erotica, watching porn, fantasising, touching yourself, reigniting your desires in the relationship of it’s long-term, or whatever you need to do. You will be more susceptible to pleasurable sensations if you are in the mood for them.
4. Vibration & Speed
Before going full power, ease yourself into the experience. Feel the different vibration patterns on your skin. Test out the various speeds and motor strength. Once you are ready to try it out, go slow. You may find that some areas need only a small amount of vibratory stimulation, while others require full speed and pressure to get you off. And be aware – the harder that you hold the vibrator in your hand, the more your hand absorbs the vibrations instead of your pleasure zones.
5. Test Your Comfort Zones
While some people are fine with full contact of the vibrator on the skin, others prefer a much smaller amount of contact. If full contact is painful or too intense, decrease the intensity by putting your underwear or a towel in between the vibrator and your skin. If vibrations to the clitoris feel painful, try holding it near your labia or your inner thigh. You can also hold the vibrator just above the skin giving yourself slight vibratory stimulation.
6. Find Your Erogenous Zones
Want to get the most out of your vibrator? Try exploring your body inch by inch. Jumping straight to your known erogenous zones can crowd out the possibility of finding pleasure points you never knew you had.
Did you know, for example, that there are nerve endings in your feet that connect to your genitals? Try using your vibrator on your feet and toes during masturbation. This may work for some people, while others may feel nothing at all. It’s definitely worth a try if it means increasing your pleasure though!
If you want to jump to known erogenous zones, stimulating areas like the nipples and anus can increase your sexual pleasure and lust. But be careful – if you’re experimenting with anal play, the vibrator must have a flared base, so the anal muscles don’t pull the vibrator too far in. Also, never switch from the anus back to the vagina after putting a vibrator in there. This can cause some uncomfortable and dangerous infections.
When using a vibrator as a clitoral stimulator, experiment with sliding it in and out of the vagina and use it as a clitoral vibrator with every stroke. Much of the clitoris is actually located internally and extends along the two shifts on either side of the vagina. And if you want to use the sex toy as a g-spot vibrator, experiment with applying pressure to the pelvic floor and the pelvic ceiling.
7. Lube Up
Some people have trouble staying wet, which can make sex toy play uncomfortable and even painful. Avoid this by making lubricant your new best friend. Lube is even great for those who can get wet as it makes the toy easier to glide around and can make the experience feel all the juicer. Water-based lubricant is often compatible with all sex toys but do some research first. Silicone-based lube is not recommended to be used with silicone sex toys.
8. Don’t Give Up
Didn’t get the experience you were hoping for? Be patient and keep trying. It may take you a few tries before you feel comfortable with your new sex toy.
Many factors can affect how you feel about your vibratory experiences, such as hormones and stress. You may feel different each time you try it. For women, consider that there may be a certain time during the month when you tend to feel more aroused. If so, this is a great time to give your vibrator a go. Meanwhile, if you’re a man feeling unsure of where to start with male vibrators, read our article on vibrators for men. Vibrators for men are not only pleasurable, but they can improve erectile function and sexual dysfunction.
Adding a vibrator to you and your partner’s foreplay routine creates a more intimate experience and can satisfy desires and fantasies neither of you knew you had. What’s more, there are tons of ways for couples to use vibrators together.
1. Erotic Massage
Love back massages? Caleb Backe, a Health and Wellness Expert for Maple Holistics, suggests “using that “back massager” for an actual body massage.” Using Crescendo can be a great way to build up the sexual tension in a relationship.
Have your partner lay down and tease them with the vibrations all over their body. Avoid their genitals and awaken other erogenous zones with the massager such as the inner thigh, labia and neck – this will also release any build of the stress hormone cortisol, making orgasm much more achievable.
When they are begging for more, Alex Riddle suggests “sending waves of pleasure to [the] clit or G-spot,” or penis and perineum to bring them to climax.
Intrigued to know more about erotic massages?
2. Combined with Oral Sex
Using the mouth and tongue along with the vibrations will take you and your partner to the height of your pleasure.
For this position “Vibe n Blow” wrap your lips around the tip of the penis and place Crescendo under the base of the penis with the fins stimulating the perineum. The vibrations will excite the nerve endings in both the penis and the mouth, adding that extra buzz to your oral sex.
Caleb also suggests…
“…using a vibe on your chin or cheeks while going down on him or her. It can heighten the sensation like nothing else, but it needs to be comfortable so you can focus on the task at hand and not resort to rearrange the position each time.”
3. Mutual Pleasure
You can also pleasure stimulate yourself with a vibrator whilst giving oral sex to your partner.
Women – slide Crescendo inside of you with the fins resting on your clitoris. This will serve as a clitoral vibrator while you lick your partner’s genitals. This sensation will double the fun and build you both to a state of mutual bliss and deep moaning. There is a range of vibrators that can be used and worn during penetrative sexual intercourse. Some of which include vibrating strap-ons, cock rings and mini-vibes that slot into the vagina along with the penis.
Vibrators like the bullet are also great for clitoral stimulation during sexual intercourse. Positions like doggy style and others where the clit is accessible are perfect for such vibratory play. While sex toys have long been associated with clitoral stimulation or penetration, vibrating cock rings come in a variety of shapes and sizes. They are perfect for couples because the vibration will stimulate her G-spot while the constriction around his shaft increases his erectile function.
4. Shower Sex
Try bending over and kneeling towards the wall with the shower pointed on your back, dripping down your genitals. In this position we like to call “Derriere Delight” a partner can be penetrated with Crescendo, or with a vibrating penis in Tenuto, from behind while supporting the hips.
Tease your partner with Crescendo’s silky smooth caress, starting from their inner thigh and leading up to their anus being careful not to slide it in. Crescendo doesn’t have a flared base so it can’t be used for anal play, but you can definitely flirt and stimulate your partner’s nerve endings to build up desire.
Watching someone experiencing pleasure is such a turn-on. Why do you think porn is so popular?
If you’ve never used a mirror during sex, now might just be the time. Become a voyeur and ask your partner to use their vibrator on themselves. You can see them pleasure themselves to climax and you may even learn some new things about how to pleasure them too.
“Fly casual” for this Han-solo voyage of temptation. Wrap Tenuto around your shaft and balls, lie back, and stroke yourself simultaneously while the rumbling vibrations pulse within you.
Let go of control, or take complete control with the MysteryApp, and add an entirely new level of creative mystery to the bedroom.
As Alex puts it:
“What more could you ask for than a sex toy driven by smartphone technology? This device transforms your phone into the remote. Not only can you deftly alter the controls when you’re up close and personal, but you can also provide the appropriate stimulation from distance thanks to the relevant app being wifi-enabled. The gadget comes with built-in vibration patterns, or you can let your creative juices flow and program the vibrator yourself. It comes with rechargeable batteries, meaning it is on-hand at any time”.
Positions such as “quivering surrender” and “smart domination” are some creative examples of how this can be achieved.
Take control of your partner’s orgasm, building up the anticipation by remote controlling Tenuto’s vibrations with the MysteryApp. Touch the tip of the penis to the base of the toy to send vibrations reverberating along the whole shaft and frenulum, and play with edging and orgasm denial.
7. Public Sex
You can even take vibrators out of the bedroom! If you’re a little agoraphile, (have a fetish for having sexual intercourse in the outdoors) then you can use the MysteryApp control while your in public. This gives one partner the ability to “surprise” the other in a variety of locations. What’s more, using toys when in a non-nude situation since the clothing adds friction and heightens the anticipation.
But watch out – it’s important to be mindful of your surroundings and not to reveal anything inappropriate that could wind you up being arrested. Public indecency is still an offence.
Only 25% of women are able to orgasm from penetration alone and studies have shown that men receive 3 orgasms for every 1 that women receive. It’s time to talk about and practice more pleasurable sex to help close the orgasm gap.
Our mission at MysteryVibe is to enhance pleasure in the bedroom through sextech. We have developed products that generate pleasure for both partners during sexual foreplay and add a new level of excitement to sex.
Crescendo, the body-adaptable smart vibrator, can bend to take the shape of the user’s body, offering countless vibrations for a truly personalised pleasure experience for you and your partner. Use it to stimulate multiple erogenous zones during intercourse.
Tenuto, the wearable smart vibrator for men, features six vibration zones, from the base of the penis all the way to the perineum. It can be worn during masturbation for solo play and during intercourse with a partner, providing pleasure for both people.
Alex Reddle, Chief editor of Flirt.com and sex and relationships expert, explains that…
…“Couples will inevitably experience their fair share of ups and downs, but a vibrant sex life is a good indicator that all is going well. Many partners feel so satisfied with one another they are content to keep their physicality within certain parameters. Others prefer experimentation.
Sex toys might have a somewhat intimidating air, especially where either party has never utilised them before. But they will certainly enhance proceedings.”
As vibrators may have an “intimidating air”, it is especially important to be conscientious when introducing them to a partner. How do you do this? With communication, of course. Explain to your partner that your pleasure is important. Reassure them that it is not a comment on their performance, but an exciting tool that will augment both of your experience.
A great way to do this is by making it something to look forward to. Build up the excitement and shop for one together, or buy each other vibrators as gifts that you can use in the bedroom. Just make sure you have a conversation before “whipping” it out, as you want avoid a negative response.
Of course, vibrators are meant for fun and games, but as Karen reminds us, “being too creative can land couples in the hospital, so using common sense is important.”
Steer clear from DIY sex toys. If you need any more persuading, read some horror stories of DIY sex toys in our article on The Importance of Sex Toys in Sex Education.
While using different types of vibrators and sex toys in general, make sure the toys are thoroughly cleaned before and after use to avoid infections. Putting a condom over your vibrator if you plan to use it for penetration is always a smart move.
Remember, sexual health includes more than just increasing your pleasure. Play smart!